May 31st, 2008
The trouble of visiting a physical gaming establishment gives us sufficient reason to drop the idea unless you can’t avoid it. On a closer look the traffic, the trouble, and to-do lists tied to it seem not worth the toil solely for the prospect of playing at physical gaming establishment, in spite of this, if you’re the kind who is the ideal fan of casinos and gambling then electing to go for online card-playing is likely the most obvious way to go.
In fact you will not have to leave your desk to have a go at online texas holdem or other preferred games for the simple reason that everything will be conducted from your familiar home office if you possess a fully functional personal computer plus, of course, access to the internet. Though allowing for this, do note that there’s many instructions which you really should be advised of regarding online texas holdem or other preferred games, all the more if you are green. Okay so soften those hormones of yours and survey what follows. Here’s my crisp outline that guides you what to remember if you’re determining a reputable online texas holdem or other preferred games web site. The very first thing which yours truly as a truly intelligent Internet gamester definitely would target is an online texas holdem or other preferred games website of the kind that offers top winnings. Beyond this, here are a small number of other instructions regarding ferreting out your online casino gambling website.
Always be sure to ascertain the online casino gambling website is legally licensed, for example by exploring the governmental authorization as shown on the casino site’s webpage. If it’s not possible to localize any governmental authorization on a preferred online casino gambling website, don’t ever endeavor to play with this web site. After this we would advise you scrutinize comprehensively the specific premiums that the online casino gambling website tenders.
PokerStars Breaks Online Player Record
Beyond, further serious advice would be to wager at first with negligible sums in place of splurging too much off the cuff. Check first the security measures of this specific online casino gambling operator before going for some grave risk- all the more money loss… Arguably the most significant piece of advice regarding online card playing. It is bound to be to always call to mind that wagering is mainly about having fun and not so much about becoming rich. Casino gambling isn’t a chore, but, rather a leisure pursuit which intends to let you feel lighthearted and life in general enjoyable.
Thus, having observed the leads summarized above, go and submit to the enchantment of online casino gambling! 
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May 31st, 2008
Most authors do not know how to price their books. They think that the best way to recoup costs or convey value is to have a high cover price. What they fail to remember is basic economics: higher prices equal fewer sales. If you’re an author who has yet to build a following, then higher prices are simply going to mean only a few family members and some very kind friends will buy your book.
I apologize for being harsh here, but I want to see authors succeed. It is frustrating to watch talent go to waste in the form of a “barrier to sale” (i.e., high book prices). Authors put tremendous amounts of time, effort, and dedication into writing and publishing their books. After all of this sacrifice, an author will essentially keep readers from buying his or her book by making it too expensive. What this means is that the author will remain in obscurity and any chance of using their print-on-demand (POD) or self-published book to make money or get a contract with a traditional publisher will perish.
When setting the price for a book, an author needs to consider three questions:
1)Are there thousands (or even hundreds) of people anticipating your book’s release so they can buy it?
2)When people you’ve never met hear your name, do they think of you as an excellent writer or an expert on the subject you write about?
3)When your book is released, are people across the nation going to hear about it multiple times?
If you answered, “No,” to these questions, then you need to think more strategically about pricing your book because adding an expensive cover price to your already challenging position in the marketplace will only result in disappointment. Alternatively, pricing your book strategically can go a long way to help you build a following and achieve your dreams as a writer.
The New York Times bestselling author, Seth Godin, made his ebook, Unleashing the Ideavirus, available for free on the Internet in 2001. Over 1 million copies of the ebook have been downloaded and it is now available in paperback (note that it is selling on Amazon.com for $10.50 and despite its age still has a strong Amazon.com Sales Rank under 10,000). All of Seth’s subsequent books have been raging successes and anyone with even the vaguest interest in marketing knows him as an authority. He attributes his phenomenal book sales to the success of the free ebook. By giving the book away he expanded his following. He allowed people who never heard of him to read his entire ebook enabling them to discover the quality of his writing and the value of his ideas without spending any money. Although it is counter-intuitive, people actually bought the paperback after downloading and reading the free version because they wanted a copy for their bookshelves.
Contrast Seth’s book to an author I randomly came across while writing this article who has a hardcover novel from one of the top three POD firms. This author, who shall remain anonymous, priced the book at an astonishing $28.50. It should be no surprise that the Amazon.com Sales Rank of this book is over 2.9 million meaning the author’s rich sibling is probably the only person to purchase the book. Would you spend $28.50 on a book you never heard of from an unknown writer when you can purchase a notable novel, such as the 656 page hardcover that everybody is talking about, The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova, for under $18.00? It’s not likely.
Many authors don’t know that $14.00 is the price at which most people start to question whether a book is worth buying. If you lack name recognition and there is no buzz about your book, your cover price can kill any chance your book has for success. Before setting a price for your book, look at the prices of similar books from traditional publishing houses. Setting a price below the average will give you an advantage. The lower your price, the more likely people will be to buy your book and discover your talent. After you establish a following, then set your price accordingly. Until then, do what is necessary to succeed.
David Tortorelli, President and founder of Book Premieres, an author services firm specializing in effective online book marketing services. David’s expertise in pricing strategies comes from years of entrepreneurship aided by his masters degree from the London School of Economics. He has also worked closely with authors on manuscripts for books released by top publishing houses.
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May 30th, 2008
You can just imagine the pain and injury that a player can get when he plays without the baseball gloves. Bruised palms, in could be the least that a player has to worry. And yet the first baseball gloves appeared only in the 1870’s. Before that baseball players has to catch the ball with bare hands, something that we can not imagine today. When baseball gloves started to appear it was made from scraps of leather that were sewn together.
The first baseball gloves were not even designed to catch the ball but to cushion the player’s hand by knocking the baseball glove to the ground. During the late 1800’s players using baseball gloves were teased as sissies and other names that were embarrassing to the players. Eventually, sense prevailed. Baseball gloves have become an integral part of the game aside from being necessary safety equipment.
Baseball is one of Americas most loved sport. If someone wants to play, it is necessary to wear a baseball gloves and that means buying a new one.
When new, baseball gloves are stiff and you have to break in the baseball glove for you to have a good game with it.
One effective way of breaking in a new baseball glove is to wrap it in a towel when not in use. The best way however is to wear it as often as you can and catch ball with it. It will be uncomfortable at the start, as you would feel that the glove does not fit your hand but continues breaking in will soften it up. Oils made specifically for baseball gloves are also available to speed up the process. Take caution though in oiling a baseball glove, as too much of it, even when recommended by the oil maker, will tend to break the leather down. Ideal application of oil in the baseball gloves should not be more than three times a year. As you use the baseball glove however, it will eventually start to feel comfortable like an extension of your hand.
Through the years, many companies have started to manufacture baseball gloves that they come today in a wide variety and materials to select from. Depending on its quality, brand, fit and style baseball gloves are priced as low as $10 or as high as $250 for custom made fits.
The more popular manufacturers of baseball gloves are Rawlings, Nike, Mizuno and Nokona.
For players starting out in baseball buying brand new gloves that are good can be a little steep. If you want a glove that is good, second hand gloves can be a good option and the Internet can show you where. The Internet has, in a very short span of years, become a virtual shopping venue. If you want to try it out, try Ebay or type the keywords “discount baseball gloves” and you will be surprised at what you will find. Searching the Internet for baseball gloves can yield you results several times over than going from store to store. There are good sellers on the net where you can buy your baseball gloves at 50% less than its brand new counterpart.
Another good option is to find sporting goods store that are on clearance sale. Good discount can be had with these stores if you are willing to settle for gloves that are good if not the latest.
Robert Thatcher is a freelance publisher based in Cupertino, California. He publishes articles and reports in various ezines and provides baseball glove resources on http://www.your-baseball-glove.info
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May 30th, 2008
We’ve all heard about the investor how bragged about his 100% or 1000% return on a stock or about the guy who made it rich by investing in small caps, undiscovered stocks that made it big. In theory, it seems to be too easy. Invest in a couple of penny stocks, then sell them when they move up. Unfortunately, it is too easy. Too easy to lose money unless you know what to look for.
First, lets have a look at what types of companies trade on the OTC BB or Pink Sheets.
Stocks that no longer trade over $1 on the Nasdaq
These include companies that fell from grace (Enron). While it is possible that they may see better days in the future, the odds are stacked against them. Its usually best to avoid trading these stocks. If you feel that the temptation is too much, wait until the stock begins to rebound. If you try catching a falling knife, you will get hurt.
New Start Ups
Every year there are hundreds if not thousands of companies who decided to go public. Whether they need the money to expand their business, or are looking to cash out their equity, its a natural progression for a company with a compelling story, and a great track record to go public. While many of these companies will file for an IPO, many others will start off trading on the OTC BB as a penny stock
Second, lets look at some tips to help the penny stock trader avoid making costly mistakes.
Due Diligence
Stocks listed on the Pink Sheets don’t have to file annual or quarterly statements. This makes starting your due diligence difficult. Often, the information is sketchy at best, and typically, its biased. You should expect a shareholder to say good things about the company. If the company didn’t have potential, they wouldn’t be holding it. Or, they might be hoping to unload their shares and hope to talk you into buying.
Stocks listed on the OTC BB file annual and quarterly statements. This provides some measure of financial success. You’ll find most penny stocks lose money, whether through managerial incompetence, or research and development. The key is to identify the companies whose management has a record of consistently making money, or at the very least, delivering on their business plan, and decreasing expenses.
Penny Stock Newsletters
Being a writer for The Leading Source (http://www.1source4stocks.com) puts me in a biased position when speaking to penny stock newsletters. Here’s what I can tell you: be careful! Check the disclaimer for the amount the newsletter is being paid to carry the profile. Are they being paid in cash or in shares? You’ll likely find a corelation between the number of shares they are being paid, and the rating on the hype meter. Does that mean that you should avoid any stock where the company is paying IR professionals in shares? No. Just keep in mind that they are selling a story, and if they sell the story to other shareholders, they will gain. This is not a problem if you get in early, but could be a problem if you aren’t able to jump in right away.
Take a look at the track record of the newsletter. Have they profiled winners? Do they state the facts, or state the hype? Do they also offer unpaid stock profiles? If they do, you’ll likely find that they do their own research in all companies, and are looking to ensure that they aren’t passing a weak stock your way just to pay the bills.
If a company is paying an IR professional money to profile a stock to its subscribers, should you avoid it? Of course not. Think of the payment as advertising. They are promoting the company, and trying to get exposure. Like any company, the only way to get exposure is through some method of advertising. So dont dismiss a paid profile as hype. Keep it in the back of your mind while you are reading the profile, but pay attention to the profile. You may find a diamond in the rough that no one has discovered.
Volume
If you want to make money, you have to be able to buy and sell enough shares to lock in your profit, or protect your capital. If ABC company’s daily volume is only 500 shares a day, it may take you several days to accumulate a position worth taking. If there is bad news, who is going to buy your shares? If the volume is low, stay away. Its not worth it. If you feel that strongly about owning the company, consider contacting the company directly and working out a deal.
Buy Results, Not the Story
If you buy the hype, odds are, you will end up being the last one to own the shares, while everyone else has sold off their position. Look at a company, take a look at what their business plan was, and confirm if they have followed through on that plan. Were they successful? Did they bring a product to market on time? Did the company follow through on its acquisition strategy in the manner they set out? The hype might get you a quick pop, however, unless you are watching your trading screen every second of the trading day, you will miss out.
Size matters
There are thousands upon thousands of penny stocks. The size of your position should not be anymore than $2000 - $3000. While this may not seem like much, keep in mind that its not unusual for a $0.10 company to drop to $0.05. That’s a 50% loss. If your position is $10 000, a 50% haircut leaves you with only $5000. Keep your losses to a minimum. If the company has done well, and you are up, either take your profits off the table, or add to your position, and be sure to reset your stop loss so as to protect your previous profits. Capital preservation is the key to successful trading.
Have a plan before you buy. What are your reasons for buying. What is your exit strategy? Where is your stop loss? At what point will you take your profit? Write down these answers before you place that buy order.
Penny stock investing can be profitable. Remember, you are taking larger risks than you would if you were purchasing shares in a bank stock. That risk can be rewarded with returns that you cant get with a bank stock, or, it will be met with a large loss and a bad taste in your mouth for investing in penny stocks.
Do your homework, don’t believe the hype, and protect your capital.
Note: The Leading Source provides its subscribers with both paid and unpaid profiles. Follow those tips and you will watch your pennies grow into dollars.
investment strategies for trading penny stocks.
1source4stocks.com provides traders with online trading and investment startegies and tips. Free stock picks for subscribers to the Leading Source.
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May 30th, 2008
If you are looking for a used computer, you can save a lot of money. However, there are some very important factors you should take in to consideration before purchasing the first used computer you see. As with all things, a rash purchase can often lead to regrets down the line.
The best advice anyone can follow when shopping for a used computer is to make sure you have a knowledgeable friend at your side who can tell you what is a good deal and what is not. The computer should be given a complete physical inspection to look for damage and glitches. Make sure that you and your friend check for problems and not a salesperson. You should also make sure that the sale you are about to purchase includes the original operating system software discs and manuals. You should have the manuals, discs and licenses for any and all software applications and fonts on the machine.
Remember that computers depreciate quickly, so find out the value of the computer as it is now and not when it was new. You can check out used computer sales on the Internet to see what people are paying, but keep in mind that there is no real true source to find out what a used computer should cost.
Last but not least, make sure the computer you are purchasing is legal. There are hundreds of “hot” (stolen) computers out there in the hands of thieves that would love to get their hands on your money.
Computer Sales provides detailed information on Computer Sales, Online Computer Sales, Laptop Computer Sales, Computer Hardware Sales and more. Computer Sales is affiliated with Computer Projector Rentals.
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May 29th, 2008
Interior decorating is a vast field. So, you need to know beforehand as to what you are looking for, in terms of interior decorating.
Never Overlook Flooring
Flooring or floor decorating is as significant as any other decorating. Sometimes, we tend to overlook the importance of good floor decorating, assuming that after all it is just a place for feet. But, the fact is that floors do not escape the eyes of guests. They are not immune to soiling either. Whatever be the quality of your flooring tiles, they need to be supported by carpets and rugs.
Texture of Rugs
Usually, a rug is made up of woven or felted woolen mixed or worsted with fabrics. Rugs play a major role in floor decorating mainly due to their portability and easy maintenance.
Rug making or weaving, as an art, has been thriving for many centuries.
Before deciding whether to choose a carpet or a rug or both, there are several factors that you need to consider.
Easy solution
Rugs are perhaps the simplest yet most beautiful solution to decorate either your home or office. Basically, there is a rug for every purpose, which is why they are popular. On the other hand, carpets are generally too bulky and expensive, especially in the case of wall carpets. The best alternative is a beautiful rug, which will be of great help especially during winter, as they can retain heat and keep your place warm and cozy.
A rug is a comparatively cheap way of decorating your home or office. While selecting a rug, you need to ensure that the dealer is authentic and reliable. In case of any defect, the product should be returnable within a particular period. Also, the quality of the rug should be double-checked. A rug should be fireproof and durable, to withstand wear and tear.
With rugs, you have almost an unlimited choice of interior-decorating ideas. Nowadays, nylon rugs are highly sought-after because they can be easily cleaned and do not lose color or fade that easily.
Rugs provides detailed information on Rugs, Area Rugs, Braided Rugs, Oriental Rugs and more. Rugs is affiliated with Curtain Room Dividers.
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May 28th, 2008
Across the Banana River from the Kennedy Space Center on Merritt Island and just north of Cocoa Beach is the city of Cape Canaveral, Florida. In the city of Cape Canaveral you will find, on a protected channel just off the Atlantic Ocean, Port Canaveral.
Port Canaveral, which not too long ago was a small cargo port is now, in addition to being a major international cargo hub, one of the, if not the, busiest cruise ports in the Western Hemisphere. It is also a fun filled recreational area.
Board a cruise ship for a 2, 3, 4, 5 or 7 day cruise to the Keys, the Bahamas or the Caribbean, on the 855′ Carnival Fantasy, the 952′ Carnival Glory, the 964′ Disney Magic, the 964′ Disney Wonder, the 880′ Royal Caribbean International Sovereign of the Seas, the 1020′ Royal Caribbean International Mariner of the Seas, the 916′ Royal Caribbean International Grandeur of the Seas or one of the other cruise ships that are in port. Take a 2 day gaming cruise on the Sterling Casino Lines Ambassador II with it’s 26,000 square feet of casino space, or take an afternoon, evening or full day gaming cruise on the smaller SunCruz Casinos’ SUNCRUZ XII.
Go fishing off the 1200′ Malcolm E. McLouth fishing pier, launch your own boat from the public boat launching ramps at Port’s End Park and Freddie Patrick Park or take a half, full day or night fishing excursion charter, on the Atlantic Ocean or the Indian River Lagoon, from one of the three marinas at the Port.
Go camping at the 35 acre Jetty Park with it’s 150 lighted camp sites, ranging from tents to full hookup for RVs, it’s four and one-half-acre family beach with designated areas for water-related activities, such as swimming and surfing, covered pavilions and picnic tables, restrooms with showers, refreshment stand, fishing pier and fish cleaning tables. Call (321) 783-7111 for reservations and rules.
Check out the Cove with it’s more than a dozen dining establishments, most serving fresh seafood fresh from the boats. There are also numerous shops and boutiques.
Strech out on the clean well tended sandy beach and watch the fishing boats and cruise ships go by. The sky is blue and the water is clear. Watch a rocket launch from the nearby Cape Kennedy Space Center.
Stay at one of the nearby resort hotels in Cape Canaveral, Cocoa Beach, Melbourne, Merritt Island and Palm Bay. Take a 45 minute drive to Orlando and visit Disney World or one of the other theme parks. Visit nearby Cape Kennedy and tour NASA’s launch headquarters, see the towering launch pads, huge rockets, history-making technology, explore the Apollo/Saturn V Center and the Vehicle Assembly Building, walk through a full-size Space Shuttle mock-up, see IMAX space films on gigantic five-story screens, and see an actual Gemini program capsule on display in Early Space Exploration. Visit one of the many other area attractions.
There is plenty for the whole family to see and do, in and around Port Canaveral.
For more information about the city of Cape Canaveral see http://capecanaveralfl.usacitydirectories.com, a directory of links to city of Cape Canaveral guides and directories listing hotels, restaurants, attorneys, real estate brokers, information, resources, services, things to do, places to go and more.
David G. Hallstrom, Sr. is a retired private investigator and is currently the publisher of several internet directories, including www.usacitydirectories.com a directory of national, state, county and city guides and directories listing local guides, directories, web sites and web pages providing resources, services and information about things to do and places to go.
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May 28th, 2008
St Francis Xavier Church is old Catholic church in Soi
Mitrakam Bangkok, dedicated to the Jesuit who spent his life
spreading the gospel in Asia, although he never set foot in
Thailand.
Soi Mitrakam, Samsen is an area known for its Vietnamese
immigrants fleeing religious persecution from Vietnam. Two
wars with Vietnam in the reign of King Rama III brought more
Vietnamese to the area.
With the growing Catholic population there was a need for
another church besides the Immaculate Conception Church in
Soi Mitrakham. In 1834 King Rama III donated the land and
funds for another Catholic church in the area.
The church was named St Francis Xavier, after the Spanish-
born, French-educated Jesuit who came to the Far East to
spread the gospel. He traveled extensively to India, Malacca,
Moluccas or Spice Islands (presently the Maluku island group
in Indonesia) and Japan.
While trying to enter China, he died on Sanchian Island off the
coast on 3 December 1522, a day commemorated by the feast of
St Francis Xavier.
The original St Francis Xavier Church, a bamboo structure,
collapsed in a storm in 1837 and was replaced by new church,
this time made from timber.
Earlier in 1824, when King Rama III ascended the throne, his
younger brother Prince Mongkut was ordained as a monk and
remained so for the entire 27 years of the Third Reign. As a
monk, Prince Mongkut befriended Monsignor Pallegoix, a
French missionary, who was at the Immaculate Conception
Church in Soi Mitrakham.
The Monsignor taught the Prince Latin who in turn taught the
Monsignor Pali, the language of the Buddhist scriptures. This
association was to have far-reaching consequences for the
Catholic Church in Bangkok.
In 1851 when Prince Mongkut ascended the throne as King
Rama IV, he donated land for Bishop Pallegoix to build a new
St Francis Xavier Church.
A donation drive was made in 1853 to raise funds for a more
permanent church with European architecture. This new St
Francis Xavier Church took 10 years to complete.
Before he died, St Francis Xavier remarked that if he couldn’t
enter China directly, he would go to Siam (Thailand) and enter
China through Siam.
Though he never made it to Thailand, the St Francis Xavier
Church in Bangkok stands in his memory, a fitting honor to
the Apostle of the Indies.
The St Francis Xavier
Church is one of the old Bangkok Churches
covered in Tour Bangkok Legacies a
historical travel site on people, places and events that left their
mark in the landscape of Bangkok. The author Eric Lim, a
free-lance writer, lives in Bangkok Thailand.
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May 28th, 2008
Health Issues
Your very first action after officially adopting a new puppy or dog - before you take him or her home - should be to stop by your vet’s office for a thorough examination. If you have other pets at home, you don’t want to inadvertently expose them to a communicable illness. If the vet even suspects something contagious, like parvovirus or distemper, leave the animal there for treatment - don’t take him home yet!
It’s even a good idea in such cases to clean your exposed body parts with a bleach water mix to kill latent viruses and germs before you enter your home. Try to avoid direct contact with any pets. Immediately head to the laundry room and put your clothing in the washer with lots of detergent and hot water. If you ruin something, that’s certainly better than exposing your pets to a disease!
Vaccinations
Your vet will, of course, know which vaccinations are required in your city and state. Most vets will administer inoculations in bundles (known as DHLP-P) to save time and expense. The injection includes vaccinations against distemper, hepatitis, leptospirosis, parainfluenza, and parvovirus. Rabies vaccine is given separately and is mandatory in virtually every locale.
If you have other pets at home, vaccinations are absolutely critical for any new dogs you add to the domestic mix. Get them done - and stay on schedule!
Pack Hierarchy Issues
Any time you bring a new pet into your home with existing dogs, there is potential for fights as the hierarchy of the ‘pack’ is thrown into temporary disarray. It’s often impossible to tell whether a new dog will be an alpha or not, especially when it’s a puppy. However, puppies are much easier to condition to a lesser status within your home’s pack, even if their natural tendency is toward dominance. Remember, even two dogs will often be driven to attempt to form a pack with a dominant-subordinate relationship.
Let the dogs work it out, unless open aggression erupts. Then, you might try bringing in a professional trainer or, if possible, separate fighting dogs by partitioning them in certain parts of your home. Caution: never attempt to physically separate fighting dogs with your hands or feet! Instead, spray or pour a copious amount of cold water on them. The cold and wetness will serve to startle them, which usually defuses the situation without you ending up with stitches.
There is, unfortunately, not much you can do to predict which animals will be dominant. Some breeds are more likely to have individuals that will assert themselves in the pack (German Shepherds, Rottweilers, Pit Bulls), but even there, you get a wide range of characteristics. So, plan for any contingency, including returning the new dog or finding a better home if it causes serious disruptions that are not naturally resolved within a few days.
Feeding Routines
If you’ve only had one dog in your home previously, an issue that can be a source of potential problems when you add a new one is feeding time. You don’t have to think about it with just one pet, but when you have two or more animals trying to eat in one space - especially a confined area - watch out! Early on, make sure you remain close by in case a fight breaks out. Even dogs that have always been docile and friendly can quickly turn on companion animals when food is in the mix.
If possible, segregate your pets so they can eat without any contact with the other(s). Not only will this eliminate the potential for aggression, but it may prevent other disasters as well. Dogs that eat in groups tend to gulp without properly chewing their food. This can lead to choking and a condition called ‘bloat’ that can be life threatening.
Don’t Ignore Your First Dog!
When you bring in a new pet, it’s easy to start ignoring your existing dog(s). You’re not a bad person! It’s a natural tendency. However, you should anticipate it and work hard to catch yourself doting on the new dog at the other’s expense. Dogs are very tied in to our feelings and actions. More than most owners ever realize. You will send the wrong “vibe” to your older pets if you change how much time and attention you give them. To keep everyone happy, spend quality time with them all and don’t play favorites - even when the new pet is really ‘new.’
John Schwartz is a freelance writer and dog lover. He has written many published articles on subjects that include shopping for safe dog toys and supplies, improving pet health, and good dog training practices. Visit his website at http://www.puppies-dogs-supplies.com for more information and dog ownership tips.
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May 27th, 2008
“Couples who’ve had sex before marriage will inevitably have sexual difficulties in marriage.”
That’s what Joe Beam, marriage expert and president of Family Dynamics Institute, said to a large audience of married couples. Through Family Dynamics Institute’s work with thousands of couples, we’ve learned that the emotional results of premarital sex, in most cases, negatively affect many aspects of a marriage.
More than half of those who marry today bring sexual histories into their marriages, and it seems to me that wringing our hands over the issue isn’t going to help those struggling with the consequences in their relationships today.
So what can be done about marriage difficulties that result from premarital sex? I have some suggestions that have helped others who’ve approached me about the issue.
1. Confess. It’s good for the soul, they say. It’s also good for your marriage. If he doesn’t know you had sex with someone before you married him, he probably needs to know. He especially needs to know if it is responsible for struggles in the bedroom. He can’t fight an enemy he doesn’t even know exists and if you want true intimacy with him then you need to share everything about yourself.
Your spouse will probably be hurt by the news. I didn’t say it would be easy, but if you want to overcome the guilt and intimacy issues that often come with having a sexual past, you have to eliminate secrets (except of course, what you’re getting him or her for Valentine’s day). By that I don’t mean you flood your spouse with all the details of your past encounters. Usually telling the basics will suffice, but tell as much as he or she wants to know. That way he knows you aren’t keeping secrets from him, and so do you.
An intimate marriage with no secrets can overcome most of life’s obstacles. So the first step to overcoming a sexual past is to strengthen your relationship by bringing your past out in the open. Obviously, this is a two-way street.
2. Differentiate. Sometimes each spouse enters marriage with a sexual past. Even if you are guilty of having a sexual past, it’s hard to fight the feeling of betrayal if you discover your spouse also committed sexual sins before marriage.
The reason it hurts to learn of the sexual past of our spouse is due to something I believe God put inside each one of us–the desire for privileged rights with another person. We want to share the most personal parts of ourselves with another person and to experience the same from that person. We want to share something with our spouse that is different and separate from any experience he or she has ever had with anyone else.
When we learn that another person has experienced the deepest, most hidden parts of our spouse we feel cheated. We feel as though we’ve been robbed of something that should only belong to us. We actually feel violated by sharing our spouse with another person, even if it happened a long time ago.
Therefore, it is essential that we are able to reclaim that privileged right to our spouse. We’ve got to have something together that no one else has (or can have) with him or her.
Think and pray long and hard on this: Determine why you chose your spouse over anyone else. Determine what makes your marriage special and unique. Find something that the two of you can cling to as sacred and shared only by the two of you. Use that as a focal point and a continual source of security when you or your spouse experience the guilt, regret, or pain that results from your sexual pasts.
3. Pay attention to the link between your sex life and your emotional health. Many times your sex life reflects the overall health of your relationship. If you have feelings of comfort and happiness at the thought of sex with your spouse, usually your relationship is in good shape. But when you have negative thoughts about sex with your spouse, with the exception of periodic physical complications, many times it means that you and your spouse are emotionally distant.
When your relationship is in good shape, sex should be a natural result. It’s the outcome of a good relationship where each spouse feels secure, appreciated, understood and loved. And, after a certain level of emotional health is reached, sex makes vital contributions to the emotional health of a marriage. Make sure you understand the importance of your sexual and emotional relationship with your spouse and act accordingly.
Though this formula is not a quick fix, it is the quickest fix known to me. Other couples have used this strategy and it has worked. I’m convinced it will work for you as well.
© 2005 Lee Wilson. All Rights Reserved.
Lee Wilson is on staff at Family Dynamics Institute. Family Dynamics attempts to prevent marriage problems by helping couples who are already in troubled marriages and by teaching those in good marriages to prevent major issues before they happen. Lee combats marriage problems from another angle with his web site for Christian singles by helping them find compatibility in possible marriage candidates. Lee hopes his efforts will help to decrease the divorce rate around the world.
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