Dejections

A common concern in business networking is how to initiate conversations. Obviously, being able to start a conversation is important, since networking is all about having successful conversations.

However, knowing when to *stop* talking is just as important as knowing how to start talking!

Why is this?

Well, because you may want to know

• whether the other person is interested in what you’re saying and if they’re “getting it”
• how to reframe the conversation, if necessary
• what to say next and in how much detail

and so on…

When you’re talking, there’s usually someone listening (we hope!). And if you don’t know what is of interest to the other person, you run the risk of saying a lot without getting through. Or worse, having a negative impact.

So how often do you pause to listen? How do you know how much to say, and when to stop talking? How do you know when to start talking again?

These are some of the questions we address in depth when I work with clients privately. In this article, let me give you a brief overview to get you started.

One simple way to recognize exactly when to stop talking is to make sure you look at the person you’re talking with.

Here’s what I mean:

I worked with a client once who was so focused on the point she wanted to make that she often didn’t realize how her words affected the listeners. As a result, she’d often lose people’s attention, and at times even offend people unintentionally.

Clearly, this was a big liability for her. And she was so committed to solving this problem that she proactively asked people around her for feedback. Yet this problem remained only partially solved — because the feedback she got was “after the fact”, and she still had to “back pedal” often.

During our conversation, I discovered that with email communications she didn’t have this problem. No blunders here.

“Why is this?” I asked.

“Because I can see what I’ve written, so I can edit it and soften it before sending it.”

“So, what do you do when you’re talking with someone?” I asked. “Where do you usually look?”

“At my notes, or at the whiteboard or screen if I’m making a presentation”, she said.

“Well, how about you make it a habit to look directly at the person you’re talking with?

• During in-person conversations, practice looking at people’s facial expressions while you’re speaking with them.
• If it’s a phone conversation, practice listening to their tone of voice and any pauses.

This way you’ll get real time feedback which will help you decide when to stop talking and ‘check in’ with the listener, or what to say or do next.”

There was silence.

When she spoke again, she was clearly moved. “Such a simple thing, and yet I never thought of it! And I know already that it will make a difference.”

Whether you’re trying to promote your business or trying to help someone in your network generate more business, knowing when to stop talking and “check in” with the listener is critical.

So try this out yourself, and see what difference it makes to your conversations.

(c) Copyright 2006, Srirupa Dasgupta

Sri Dasgupta helps business professionals get better results from their business networking efforts through focused and relevant conversations. She is the author of the Effortless Networking, and writes regular articles offering business networking tips and related resources.