Dejections

May 1st, 2008

Coaching Employees - The Chronic Excuser

Posted in Hall Of Self Improvement

Most of us find coaching employees to be an effective, even enjoyable, approach to leadership and management. Coaching provides a way to help team members grow and develop, while achieving business objectives. But occasionally, we encounter a team member who has an excuse for every situation. How can we help team members like this accept responsibility and focus on solutions, rather than dwell on the reasons why things aren’t accomplished? How can we ensure that we really gain commitment and consensus on plans, assignments, and projects

Coaching Employees and Advice

First, it’s important to remember that excuses come in two flavors. The first, called Type I excuses, usually surface when raising performance issues with a team member.


  • “It’s not my fault. It’s those guys in Operations. They don’t deliver my product on time, and the customer gets upset with me.”
  • “I wasn’t able to get that report in on time because my computer was down for two days. You should talk to I.S.it’s their problem.”

As we try to help the team member accept personal responsibility, we should never let an excuse go unaddressed. However, with a “chronic excuser,” it can feel like an endless cycle.

Some excuses, called Type 2 excuses, are legitimate. These excuses are an important signal. Left unaddressed, Type 2 excuses can result in team members feeling insecure, unsupported, and frustrated. Team members may have real concerns about the plans you’ve created, or their ability to follow through on them.

Openly addressing Type 2 excuses allows you to review the plans you’ve made, make sure they’re viable, and reinforce your confidence in the team member.

Exercising patience in listening will help you weed out the real obstacles from the smokescreens. You can demonstrate support by removing legitimate obstacles. You can also teach a powerful lesson in accountability by exposing the smokescreens.

Excuses also generally arise when establishing a plan. For team members with low confidence or little experience, it can be frightening to make commitments, and they may feel a need to “hedge their bets.” When a team member raises a concern indicating that circumstances beyond his/her control might prevent them from achieving their goal, this sends a message that they’re not sure they can carry out the plan.

As you make a pattern of confronting - in a supportive, cooperative way - the excuses made by reluctant team members, you’ll convey an important message about your commitment to accomplishing goals, helping your team members improve, and establishing a spirit of accountability in your work.

If you would like more information about coaching employees, please contact a Regional Manger at CMOE at (801)569-3444. You can also visit CMOE’s website for more information.

April 21st, 2008

A Certain State Of Mind

Posted in Hall Of Self Improvement

“What this power is, I cannot say. All I know is that it exists…and it becomes available only when you are in that state of mind in which you know EXACTLY what you want…and are fully determined not to quit until you get it.”

Alexander Graham Bell (1847-1922), Scottish-born American inventor

I received an e-mail from someone this week in which they referred to ‘a state of mind rather than a reverse of ideas’. It made me think about how important our state of mind is when we are attempting something new, or even something not so new. If we are in a negative state of mind, we are almost certainly setting ourselves up for disappointment, however, having a positive frame of mind gives us a great advantage in facing new challenges, and, while it doesn’t guarantee success, it certainly gives us the heads up!

What is your state of mind like today? Are you ready to face anything that comes your way with a belief in your ability to cope, or are those unhelpful voices in your head telling you that you are useless and you won’t be able to get by? If you are in the latter state of mind then I have one word for you - STOP! Stop those unsupportive, discouraging words from taking a hold in your head and replace them with ones that encourage and prop you up. One thing is certain; you are in control of your state of mind, so choose to have an outstanding, uplifting one.

How do you think about yourself in relation to your goals? Do you see yourself as someone who is capable and able to achieve everything you set out to do, or do you sabotage your progress by thinking of yourself as less than that? Today is the day that you will either start to build on the fantastically positive attitude that you have - or - you will change your thinking and start to support yourself with encouraging thoughts and language. “I can do this.” “I am capable of achieving this.” This is not to say that everything will be in your reach, but you will be certain that you will do your utmost to accomplish all that you can.

Does having a negative state of mind give you an excuse not to do certain things? What have you been putting off that you really need to do? It’s time to reexamine your reasons for not getting them done. What is stopping you? Is it your thoughts concerning the actions, or is there something more tangible that is getting in your way? What needs to happen first? A shift in thinking, or something else? Having an upbeat attitude will place you in a position of strength. Be your own best friend and support yourself. As the advert says ‘You’re worth it!’

If you are making changes to the way you think about yourself and others, you will need to work on it daily. Actively practice supportive self-talk, which involves those voices that you hear in your head when you are planning to do something that may be a bit challenging. If the slightest hint of negativity creeps in, I want you to say a loud “STOP!” (out loud or in your head - you choose) and I want you to turn that thought around. So “I’ll never be able to do that in a month of Sundays” will become “It may take me a little time, but with the right help, I am certain I will get it done”.

Hey, no-one’s forcing you to be a positive thinker! Just a thought though - what are you actually gaining from having a negative state of mind? What is the pay-off? It’s worth considering….

Get creative with your thinking. This is where the fun starts! You know those unsupportive, discouraging words I mentioned earlier. Play with them. Turn them around and create new encouraging, confident words that will be a pleasure to say and hear. Let your state of mind become a state of being. Each day you have the chance to start something new, to be something new. All it takes is a shift in thinking. Who and what do you want to be today? I choose the cheerful, optimistic me over the downright miserable one every time. How about you?

Thoughts. Attitude. All internal, but, oh, so powerful! Like many of these things the cost is not monetary, but one of effort and application. If you are already a positive person, then I applaud you and hope that you continue to sustain and build on that. If you are not, however, then try it for a while and see how you like it. Make the effort to be positive, even if only for a day at a time. You never know, that certain state of mind might just grow on you!

©Kate Harper 2006

Kate Harper - EzineArticles Expert Author

Kate Harper is a Motivation Coach based in the beautiful Highlands of Scotland. Check out her website http://www.harpercoaching.com

She works with people from all over the world who are seeking change in their lives. If that is you, please take a look at Kate’s website. Her special interests are the promotion of Wellbeing and Self Confidence through her coaching.

“The distance is nothing; it is only the first step that is difficult.” Madame Marie du Deffand

Take your first step today and contact Kate.

Go here to get my free 7 day mini e-Course on Procrastination - http://www.harpercoaching.com/HC_e-Courses_Menu_Page2.htm

March 31st, 2008

How To Cope With Nasty People At Work

Posted in Hall Of Self Improvement

I worked for many years in an office environment and would have enjoyed the experience if it was not for a number of over bearing and annoying colleagues. These people seemed to spend the whole day bitching and gossiping about other people which can make life at work very stressful and uncomfortable.

After leaving school I was excited that I was now entering into the adult world. I was more than happy to leave behind me the childish ways of school life where people are constantly taking the mickey out of each other, which is apparently supposed to be fun and basically act like fools. This was certainly not what I saw as enjoyment.

I eventually obtained a position working for an insurance company where I would have to carry out basic office duties. I was slightly apprehensive as it was all new to me of course but what I found when I started to work their came as quite a shock. Some of these so called adults were also acting like they were still at school.

The males in the office were always at each others throats, throwing insults which I have to add were mainly in jest, and basically acting like they were fourteen years of age.

The women though were so annoying it was untrue. Of course it was not all of the women but just a handful of them. This however was enough to make it an uncomfortable place to work. These women were always ready to spread gossip about other people and were so two faced it was unbelievable.

As an example, I will tell you a story which I am now able to laugh about, but which at the time was quite hard to handle. I went out for a few drinks one night and in the bar, there was a woman who worked in the same office that I did. She was what I called, one of the bitches!

I went over and started talking to her. I had had a number of drinks and felt quite sociable. She had a friend with her who I have to say was very attractive and I also started to make small talk with her. I started to get on really well with this friend and thought that I had pulled etc.

After buying them both a drink I went to the toilet. Whilst I was in the toilets my friends warned this friend of my colleague not to get too close to me because I was gay (which I am not). They were just trying to ruin it for me, nice hey!

I came back to the group and both of these women had left to go somewhere else. I was most frustrated but was unaware of what had been said.

I went back to work the next day and people acted differently towards me. I later found out from a good friend that this colleague had told everyone that I was gay.

I have no problem with people who are gay and this incident showed me what it must be like for them at times.

I went up and told this woman exactly what I thought of her and warned her never to spread any rumours about me again, as it would be the last rumour she would ever spread, if she did etc.

The next few days were quite unpleasant as people were treating me like some kind of leper. I did not try to convince them that I was straight as it should not be an issue in the first place.

After this I went to work with the sole intention of doing my job, I do not need these type of people in my life.

If you work with people like I have described above, I feel sorry for you. Try hard to not let them ruin your day at work as if they do, then they will have won.

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